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Wednesday, April 19, 2006

Therapeutic Caning

Therapeutic caning!
According to The Moscow News, Russian scientists claim that frequent beatings across the buttocks with a stout cane cures everything from depression to lethargy to alcohol and drug addiction. Apparently, it's also quite effective against all manner of psychosomatic illnesses.

The reasoning behind this makes sense of a sort: The pain of caning causes the body to release large quantities of endorphins, chemicals that cause happiness, arousal, and euphoria. These chemicals can lift the spirits of those who are down in the dumps or so filled with self-pity and self-loathing that they've spiraled into addiction.

And if the endorphins don't make you better, the desire to avoid another caning might snap you out of your dark mood real quickly, wouldn't you say?

The Russians claim that the technique is merely a revival of an identical treatment a group of 19th-century German doctors used to great success. As twisted and humorous as this must seem to you, here's the funniest part: The "practitioners" of this therapy are getting the equivalent of $140 dollars for a standard course of treatment (30 canings).
Comment by Gary Moller:

I think I will stick to running.

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